Despite my social anxiety, I like to go out a lot. I like to see my friends and meet new people. I find that the best way to tackle my anxiety is to face it head on.
Some people will think that I’m much more confident than I really am. Some will see through my facade and target me because of it. But I’m a feisty character and can defend myself.
However, I recently have started thinking:
“Why should I HAVE to constantly defend myself?”.
People have commented on things like my appearance and my ‘shyness’. But what I have started to dislike more is the age-old question:
“So what do you do for a living?”
They almost always ask it!
It has gone like this:
- Meeting them & introducing myself.
- They ask me “the question”.
- Me thinking:
“Oh here we go again…”.
- I say:
“Oh, I graduated a few months ago, but I’m trying to get into a new career….”.
Some will look at me like dirt and mentally discard me into the nearest bin. Probably because they think I am of no worth to them. In which case, I’m not sure I want to associate with people like that anyway. Or they assume that I’m lazy. Which is a huge pet hate of mine.
Some will ask questions & maybe they’re genuinely trying to help.
“Have you tried contacting local …….. .”
“Have you considered doing voluntary work.”
You can bet your bottom dollar that yes, I have tried all of the avenues that they are suggesting. Repeatedly.
Considered doing voluntary work? I’ve practically begged to do it!
Anyhow, regardless of whether they’re trying to help or not, it’s a topic that is distressing to me, so no, I don’t want to discuss it with a perfect stranger in a noisy bar. Thanks, but no thanks.
At one gathering, a friend of a friend asked me “the question”. Later on, another guy asked me “the question”. I think I told him something like “It’s a secret” in a jokey way. This resulted in him thinking I was being coy & him trying to figure it out. So I politely told him that I had just spent the previous 20 minutes or so having the exact same conversation. So we actually talked about other things! Yay!
The consequences of being tired of being endlessly asked “the question”? I’ve stopped going out.
The consequences of not going out? It can worsen my social anxiety. The less I’m around people, the less comfortable I am when I am around them.
The consequences of higher levels of anxiety? Getting work. And…….
Bingo! It’s a vicious cycle.
So back to the current moment in time. The World Cup has begun. I have no interest in football. A lot of my friends are male. So here are my options:
- Spend another evening in alone.
- Go to the pub with my partner whilst he watches football with his mates. If any of their girlfriends are there, they may ask me “the question”. And then I might have to talk about girly stuff, which isn’t really me.
- Watch the football with male friends & be bored.
- See female friends who will talk about girly stuff.
- Meet new people and be asked “the question“.
Ciao for now.
socialanxietyandunemployment 